Zeno Izen for President 2012… my agenda: “The Plan”

Hi, my name is Zeno Izen and I am running for President of the United States of America.  I have developed a simple plan to restore freedom, peace and prosperity to America.  Here is that plan:

Step 1:  Every U.S. citizen with a Social Security number will receive, by U.S. Postal mail, an unactivated plastic debit card.  The details of the accounts that these cards will access are a technical matter that will be worked out before this plan is implemented.

Step 2:  Citizens will have a short period of time to activate these debit cards, and the accounts that they access.

Step 3:  At an appointed moment, which may or may not be revealed in advance, each citizen’s account will be credited with a sum of money.  The amount of money is a technical detail that will be worked out before this plan is implemented.  Hypothetically, the amount is mostly irrelevant, though it will need to be significant enough to qualify as a windfall for the average citizen.  Numbers between $10,000 and $100,000 are probable.

Step 4:  The U.S. federal government will cede power to the States, and declare itself dissolved.

Step 5:  A period of adjustment will ensue.

See, I'm practically a centrist.

The benefits of this plan will be many.  The velocity of money, and the vitality of the economy will increase dramatically as citizens will be motivated to spend what money they have as soon as possible before its value drops to zero.  All sides of political debate will be satisfied by this plan as well, as redistributionists on the left will be directly compensated and minarchists on the right will see their domestic agenda implemented in full.

At the same time, the results of this plan will be unpredictable to the degree that manipulators of the economy, along with entrenched totalitarian interests, will not be able to fully retain their power.  Prices and currencies will swing to extremes as the results of this plan ripple across the globe.  Innovators and small time players will find themselves knee deep in opportunities, which will disrupt society and make resources newly available in the fairest way possible:  according to wit and competitivity.

My plan will initiate a new global golden era based on merit and voluntary association.  This is what everyone wants, perhaps excluding those deeply invested in the status quo.

So vote for me for President of the U.S. or whatever other office you want.  I ain’t on the ballot and my budget is zero, but I’ve got a slogan and it is thus:

“Vote for Zeno Izen motherfuckers!  He’s got the Plan!”

Skelly Oil 1944 Presidential Election Book

Every Friday I will upload scans and photos of items in my collectibles inventory.  Many of these items will be listed at http://www.bonanza.com/booths/zenoizen

Skelly Oil 1944 Presidential Election Book
Front cover of election guide.

This is a little guide to help you vote in the 1944 presidential election.  For what it’s worth, I recommend Dewey.

Center fold of election guide.

Make me look pretty or I’ll call you a sexist

Oh boy, here we go.  This recent Newsweek cover showing Michele Bachmann in arguably unflattering way (come on, her eyes are actually a little weird, right?) has been deemed sexist, and not by only the National Organization For Women but also one apparently up-and-coming conservative pundit.

So terribly terribly sexist.
This is what sexism looks like.

Not content that the cover might be a sign of anti-conservative media bias, Tea Partier Dana Loesch has also pointed the finger of sexism.

The thing is, if this magazine cover is sexist, we may be in for an election cycle steeped dark with gender politics.  The sexist card is bound to be played as long as there is a woman running for president, but to have it played this early and this speciously is not a good start.

Of course, there is also the possibility that Ms. Loesch has an anti-feminist agenda and means to goad feminist organizations into taking the stupidest positions that they can.

The hopeful glimmer in this story is that the loudest sayers of the S word, Loesch and NOW are not particularly relevant entities.  And either is Newsweek for that matter.  This nontroversy will probably fizzle out and the gender discussion will continue to boil under the surface, for better or for worse.