Pulp novels are supercool.

Every Friday I will upload scans and photos of items in my collectibles inventory. Many of these items will be listed for sale at http://www.bonanza.com/booths/zenoizen

Hory Shti! She ain't got no nipples!
Looking for this, madam?


Amorality="sit there naked and watch me push my thumb against the wall."


Dammit, woman, can't you see I'm trying to read?!

10 protest-sign slogans scientifically designed to change the world

You know, a good slogan can change the world.  And since these Wall Street protests have been said to have no clear message, this may be a rare opportunity to inject some distilled wisdom into the minds of the masses.

Not just any slogan will do.  There is a subtle art to creating the cyanide-tipped word bullets that get seriously complex messages over noisy channels in short time.  This is the kind of thing you want to leave to certified experts such as myself.

What follows are some slogans that I have developed using a variety of tools and principles developed from my extensive study of linguistics, public relations, poetry, rhetoric, hypnosis, psychology and a great variety of other subjects.  This is top grade verbal technology.  Don’t mess with it, just use it.  It’s powerful and it works.

Now, when you put one of these slogans on your sign, you want to make sure your writing is clear and sense can be made of it from a hundred yards or more.  You don’t want to just scribble the words on a flap of cardboard and call it good.  And if you make your sign and it turns out to be sloppy, do it over.

Remember, most modern people are used to slick graphics designed by trained professionals.  You don’t want your sign to be entirely perfect.  A little folksy amateurism will actually serve your purposes better.  But sheer half-assedness will discredit you immediately.  There’s a sweet spot.  Try to find it.

So then, here you go, ten protest sign slogans scientifically designed to change the world:

1.  UTOPIAN projects ALWAYS create HELL
2.  Banks + Govt = Misery
4.  Are you a producer or a thief?
5.  Central Banks – Central Terror
6.  Recriminalize Fraud
7.  Goldman Sachs has a gambling problem
8.  Free money hurts the poor
9.  Reset America
10.  Defenestrate Oligarchical Collectivism

and as a bonus, one all purpose slogan for all places and all times:


Make me look pretty or I’ll call you a sexist

Oh boy, here we go.  This recent Newsweek cover showing Michele Bachmann in arguably unflattering way (come on, her eyes are actually a little weird, right?) has been deemed sexist, and not by only the National Organization For Women but also one apparently up-and-coming conservative pundit.

So terribly terribly sexist.
This is what sexism looks like.

Not content that the cover might be a sign of anti-conservative media bias, Tea Partier Dana Loesch has also pointed the finger of sexism.

The thing is, if this magazine cover is sexist, we may be in for an election cycle steeped dark with gender politics.  The sexist card is bound to be played as long as there is a woman running for president, but to have it played this early and this speciously is not a good start.

Of course, there is also the possibility that Ms. Loesch has an anti-feminist agenda and means to goad feminist organizations into taking the stupidest positions that they can.

The hopeful glimmer in this story is that the loudest sayers of the S word, Loesch and NOW are not particularly relevant entities.  And either is Newsweek for that matter.  This nontroversy will probably fizzle out and the gender discussion will continue to boil under the surface, for better or for worse.